The Most Expensive Sandwich?

Had a great ten mile cycle ride through country lanes and back. Our aim was to reach an isolated country pub, sit in the garden and have a sandwich for lunch. Got there, asked for the lunchtime menu. I didn't have my glasses on but could see everything was around a tenner. Asked if they did sandwiches and the bar-person said they were there on this menu.

Took our drinks into the garden, sat next to a wishing well, admired the new thatch on the pub roof, noticed a brand new dwelling being built in the pub car-park, read the brochure we'd picked up in the bar advertising a Caribbean villa to let for £1500 a week and read the menu.

The cheapest thing on it was a 'local' crab sandwich for eight pounds! Gulp! The thought of the hilly ride cycling back to the real world for lunch was too much to take as we were starving hungry - so we ordered two crab sandwiches.

Would you be happy with supermarket own brand sliced brown bread? Would you be happy with just the brown crab meat? Where was the white crab flesh? Might as well use Shiphams crab paste! Would you be happy with no mayo on the side? Would you be happy with a slice of tired kiwi fruit balanced on top of a pile of limp 'salad leaves' as a garnish? If I'd wanted a bloody fruit salad I'd have ordered one! Would you be happy with no salad dressing? Can you tell I wasn't happy? Eight pounds! No wonder the owners have a villa in the Caribbean, no wonder they're building a new period house in the car-park.

Captive audience really. By the time anyone has walked, cycled, driven out to this isolated rip-off, over twee, relic of a pub they can't be bothered to move on and find somewhere else to eat.

There are some lovely places to eat round here - but this isn't one of them.